Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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