And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize