I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
