Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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