I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
