It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
