U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
