I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
