he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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