I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
