Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
