Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
