Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish I only lived at night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
