I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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