I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
