you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
