I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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