Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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