Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
