Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
