Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
