can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
