it's like iHOP with fire
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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