I hope mine doesn't look like that
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
