I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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