ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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