Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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