You work out of a Hotel?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
