I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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