I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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