i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
