so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
