There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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