I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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