Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
