I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
