Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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