he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
