Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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