Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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