Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
