I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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