I'm eating all of the evidence.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
don't judge my taste in strippers
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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