Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
