You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
