I'm lost and stupid without you.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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