she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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