You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
