how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
