i need an iv and a liver transplant
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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