Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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