Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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