He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
