imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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