i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
