He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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