i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
