Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
