And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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