Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
