Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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