She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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