he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
