fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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