I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
