You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
