Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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