yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
