My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
