***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I showed him my bush... on skype.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
