A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
