oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
