It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize