You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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