We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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