She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
