I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
