The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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