dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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