There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pants are for mortals
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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