Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His hands were made for my vagina.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
