My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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