I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
