so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
